BEEN THERE ROCKED THAT
At the age of 24, I’ve never thought I experienced so much so fast. As I slowly reveal my story to the world some see it as victorious while some may see it differently. I intentionally chose not to take the victim approach because those who are victims have lost or relinquished their power to the situation, event, or person. Instead of feeling bad for myself, I decided healing was better. Each and every event that surfaced during this healing process I ultimately gave myself the permission to feel every emotion whether it was anger, sadness, pain, or joy. I’ve realized the only way to heal through it is to feel through it. It’s important not to judge the emotions that constantly come to the surface but instead recognize and acknowledged them. Through self-reflection, I realized where I went wrong or held myself back in situations.
Similar to visiting the dark night of the soul portion of what is known as a "spiritual awakening" the number one rule is you must keep it real with yourself. No one can be as honest to you than you can be with yourself. I’ve realized keeping it real with myself looked back at me differently when I looked in the mirror. I looked in the mirror and it seemed as if my physical appearance began to change. It freaked me out a bit at first because it was as if when I looked in the mirror I could see the little girl inside. The girl who always wanted to come out and play but was judged on many occasions for doing so. Years of insecurities pushed that little voice down a dark tunnel until one day she began to fight her way to the light. From being pregnant at 15 and feeling out in the cold from my parents; having a mother who isn’t so kind, moving apartment to apartment, constantly getting into abusive relationships and fights, hanging around bitter and jealous people, being married to a racist man and getting locked up in the process, literally having all that I could wish for and losing it in a year. It sure did teach me a lot !
The most valuable lesson I’ve learned through it all is “knowing who you are will get you far”. When you know who you are you know what you will not accept. And those who don’t stand for anything fall for everything. I was one of those people. I didn’t know exactly what to stand for I was confused and not knowing what my purpose was at the time put a level of stress on me I felt as if I was walking in circles. Life was so dark for me at one moment. I didn’t have any other options and turned to the entertainment business. That was a beast in itself! It was like a new healing process all over. Although I always respected myself the different men I held conversations with sometimes triggered parts of me I never knew were broken. I had to learn how to deal with toxic energy blazing at me 24/7 because I was looked at as a valuable person. When you're in a club with 60% of the girls hating on you that can quickly turn to a green-eyed monster. I had to learn how to deal with all types of people and energies! Although the entertainment industry is not a place I would go back to I truly appreciate the lessons it had to teach. It helped me to honestly gain this “unbothered” attitude because I began to learn how to manipulate the negative energies to where they wouldn’t affect me. Taking that back into my daily life that helped me with problem-solving issues. You get down to the problem by realizing what belongs and what does not. I learned how to talk to people on different levels just based on their understanding. It helped me to “code change” which is adapting to any environment that you’re placed in. And most of all I helped many girls begin on their spiritual journeys. That is something I don’t take for granted. My life story has completely made me strong. And honestly, I wouldn’t change one part of it. I ultimately took back the power anyone may have thought they had over my life. I snatched it right out of their hands! Spirituality is an important aspect of my life without it, I would be so unbalanced. Many will tell you that you can’t have riches and be spiritual but the truth is you can. Balance is important though! Your gifts will always provide a way for you so use them! My advice to you is to heal those parts of you that are broken so that you can begin to heal the world. We need you!